Purim and Potential
What Purim Is and What It Could Be
From Hadesh Vol. 1, Iss. 10 - Purim
By: Josh Black & Jacob Levin
Raising children is the most important thing a person can do. For many years, the life of someone else is completely in your hands at all times. Feeding, clothing, washing, caring, it’s all down to you and the effects of your efforts, and your shortcomings will be felt far into the future.
I recently heard Rabbi Breitowitz ask: “Why is it that the commandment to honour one’s father and mother falls in with the bein adam lemakom side of the commandments?” He answers that the relationship one develops with their parents serves as the basis of the relationship one develops with Hashem. For the beginning of a child’s life, he says, “My parents are quite like God, all powerful and completely in control.” If one sees their parents as kind and caring, they’re more likely to see Hashem as kind and caring. If one sees their parents as angry people who cannot be relied upon…1
The effect of your efforts, good or bad, will leave an enduring impact. As good as your relationship with your child can be, as much positive potential there is, there too lies the opportunity for negative effects.
And so it is with everything. In every aspect of life, there is a potential, and it can manifest as good or as evil. The potential of any given thing is more or less determined already. It has a certain “amount”, and you make it positive or negative. In that sense, it is a balance; it will either be +70 or –70, but nothing in between.
The greater potential something has for positivity, the greater potential it has for negativity. We see this balance play out in every part of our lives. To the same extent that raising children can bring light into this world as you learn the trait of selflessness and teach them independence and Torah values, you can fill them with hate and distrust if you don’t take your responsibility seriously.
You cannot have the potential for positivity without the potential for negativity.
We’ve all met someone who had a lot of potential, but didn’t utilize it. He had a knack for business as a kid, but became a petty drug dealer instead of a successful businessman. He used his own supply, stayed in his parents’ basement. When he moves out (more commonly, is kicked out), it’s to somewhere that should’ve been beneath him. He loses friends and becomes isolated, even though he was so outgoing and social in school! It pains us to see him at the store, even to think of him, because we remember who he was, and most of all, who he could’ve been.
The balance of potential can be clearly seen in intimacy. On the one hand, a man and a woman can have sex with the commitment that they will look after and love one another for the rest of their lives. As a result of their loving connection and selfless commitment to each other, they will selflessly give of themselves to raise children, teaching them to be loving, caring people who will independently serve Hashem and in doing so, they become Hashem’s partners in creation.
Marriage allows us to take the sex drive, a hedonistic force which would have us take advantage of others for our own pleasure, and harness it, elevating it into the foundation of the most selfless part of our lives, looking after our spouse and children.
On the one hand sex can be used to lovingly connect to a partner and raise children; on the other hand it can be done in the context of short term, sex-based relationships where people are taken advantage of and hearts are broken. It can also be done in the context of rape, pornography, etc– the black hole is endless. Jordan Peterson often points out how dark tetrad traits (Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy, and Sadism) are strongly linked with short term, sex-based relationships, and how such relationships strongly encourage and train you in the aforementioned traits.2
As much light as the sex drive can bring into the world, so too it can bring darkness.
Yom Kippur is yet another example. The previous ten days, you commit yourself to being better, the type of person you wish to be. You prepare yourself to talk to Hashem in a more intimate way than you have all year, just as the High Priest prepared himself in the laws of entering the holiest place on Earth, serving Hashem in a more intimate way than he has all year. You wear all white, and enter into the synagogue early in the day. The High Priest wears no gold, and begins his service before dawn. Both you and he work tirelessly through the day, standing, sitting, pouring your heart out, entering, exiting, pouring the blood on the altar. By the end of the day, you’ve been uplifted, having been granted access to Hashem’s abode, and the High Priest has completed his service, guaranteeing forgiveness and a fresh relationship for every Israelite.
Except. Just as this day can be the promise of a fresh, new start with Hashem, reuniting and strengthening the relationship like never before, you just as easily could have eaten a bacon cheeseburger, with spicy, candied ants for dessert.
The greatest potential for a mended relationship is the greatest potential to ruin the relationship.
Whereas on Yom Kippur, we separate from this world and enter Hashem’s world, on Purim, Hashem enters our world. Not just the soul, but even the body is entirely devoted to Hashem. The whole world is raised up in kedusha, not just our souls. We embrace the world God created on Purim, and use it to glorify Him.
Imagine a kingdom. The king is tasking you with collecting a tax on his populace, and he gives you a chest to hold the coins. You could gather the coins in any other container, or even transport them by hand back to the palace, and the king would be pleased to have received his revenue. But if you use the chest, you prove that you are trustworthy because you follow the king’s word to the ‘T’. He knows he can depend on you, and will give you greater tasks in the future, and may even consider your council.
In the same way, Hashem entrusts us with the task of performing mitzvot and elevating the world. We could focus on our own thoughts, speech, and studying Torah, and Hashem would be happy. But to venture into the world, using physicality to do mitzvot, is even holier. Getting married, having children, being honest in business, making berakhot on food and drink… these are what prove to Hashem that we are trustworthy. Using the physical for holiness is what strengthens our relationship with God beyond anything else.
Except. Just as we can use the physical for holiness, we can use it for corruption. People use drinking on Purim as an excuse to just drink, like they’re Greeks at a frat party. In fact, the authors have been to both types of party, and Purim parties are worse. It’s city-wide, no, nationwide chaos. The bus Jacob took to his seuda a few years ago was attacked by a mob of drunken Haredim. The door shattered onto a stroller, and there was blood.
This year there will be a couple in their first year of marriage, where a poor wife will sit in shock and embarrassment as her husband loses all ability to engage with the day and those around him, and slumps into a drunken stupor with hardly more ability to look after himself than an infant, vomiting into whatever direction his friends happen to point him. Josh has seen that even in cases where the ability to function has been maintained, ‘religious and God-fearing’ individuals throw food and drink at each other like a scene of greek debauchery.
As much as we can tell you what we’ve seen, we’re certain that you’ve also seen horrific abuses of what should be the holiest day of the year. We tell you these stories not to bring you to despair, but to hope. These stories are proof of Purim’s potential. Stories like these show the negative side, but that by necessity means the positive can be just as strong. We can make Purim the greatest kiddush Hashem every year. It just takes some thought and concerted effort.
There can be a tremendous amount of kedusha in drinking alcohol. There is a reason why we make kiddush on wine every Shabbat and Yom Tov. In a physical sense, alcohol removes inhibitions. When channeled correctly, this can allow one to open his heart to Hashem and his friends, allowing him to express the deepest emotion of the nefesh elokit, the divine soul. The environment he is in, supplemented by alcohol, now has the ability to receive this vulnerable display of emotion in an accepting manner and respond in turn with the same display.
In this way alcohol, when used with the right intention, can be the key to opening euphoric love and intimacy with Hahem. A group of friends can shed the outward display of normalcy, drop their masks and allow their hearts to talk. This day can be the biggest possible expression of love for Hashem.
We are supposed to drink until we don’t know the difference between “Cursed is Haman” and “Blessed is Mordekhai”. That is, to see the potential more than the outcome. The same magnitude, the same amount, but Haman is negative and Mordekhai is positive.
Ohr Somayach, "The Chronology of Matan Torah | HaRav Yitzchak Breitowitz," YouTube video, posted February 13, 2026,
8:48.
Jordan B. Peterson, "Against the Sexual Revolution | Louise Perry | EP 331," YouTube video, posted February 13, 2023,
9:11.